Mostly Mean-Spirited One-Liners

“Ladies in Lavender” (Cornish old darlings, dreamy German fiddler): Baguettes

Dames Judi and Maggie: Far from the Madding Kraut.

“Chicken Run” (“Stalag 17” with claymation chickens): Fowl ball

Hey-hey in the hen house.

“The Virgin Suicides” (Teen hotties keep bumping themselves off): Croakettes

Girls! Girls! Girls! Girls! Eternal slumber party.

“Field of Dreams” (Lad and dad baseball weepie): Corn ball

Bush league.

“Rain Man” (Jerk kidnaps half-wit brother from nuthouse): Idiots, avaunt!

Cruise, Hoffman: Nowhere men.

“The Blue Lagoon” (Timorous kiddie porn): Keister Island

New Jersey Blue Chris Blue Shields

“Les Diaboliques” (Wife and mistress plot to kill man they share): Croak monsieur

Go soak your head!

“Father of the Bride” (Wedding hilarity as told by dolorous dad): Pa humbug

Taylor and Tracy: Hot ‘n’ Sot.

“Hamlet” (Crazy Larry sulks a lot, wins awards): The Prince and the Papa

‘Oh, Mama, how could you?’

“The Lost Weekend” (Ray Milland drinks, tilts at gin mills): Baloney on rye

Three fingers of wry — no ice.